Operation Try Anything

Apparently I’m going to eat you. Yaaaaaay.

*Sigh*. The things I’m making myself do for this blog. Yes, I ate a brain. A little brain, to be sure. But a whole brain. I saw a packet of two sheep’s brains in a supermarket, thought Ooh, I’ve never eaten a brain before!, bought the brains (€2.50) and then… well, I was kind of committed to doing it. I won’t say I leapt into the activity with no misgivings. The brains did look pretty… well, brain-y.

See?

Stiff upper lip though eh, best foot forward and once more unto the breach, dear friends. You never know – in some cultures (Chinese for example) eating brain is supposed to help cure innumerable ailments, from impotence and epilepsy to forgetfulness and a simple bump on the noggin. As far as I know I’m neither impotent or epileptic but I am quite forgetful and I knock myself about a fair bit. Oh well, let’s see if brain helps me! I’m also a big fan of zombie films, so having these around gave me a great opportunity to shuffle around my flat going ‘Braaaaaaaains… Braaaaaaaaaaains…’

Should any of you wish to cook yourself a brain, here is a handy step-by-step guide. I got the recipe off the internet somewhere.

Step 1: Wash your brains thoroughly in cold water.

Step 2: Boil the brains for 10 minutes in salted water with a dash of vinegar added. My brains went grey in the first 30 seconds.

Step 3: After 10 minutes of boiling, plunge the brains into cold water. When they’re cool, drain them and pat dry with kitchen towel.

Step 4: Using a sharp knife, cut away any membrane or veins from the brains. I also cut away the stem, because it was freaking me out slightly.

Step 5: Roll the brains in a mixture of flour, salt and pepper until they are coated all over.

Step 6: Dunk the floury brains into beaten egg until they are coated.

Step 8: Melt some butter in a frying pan and drop the brains into it, turning them from time to time until they look brownish and the egg is cooked. It’s basically like making French toast only… French brains.

Step 9: Not really a step, but at this point the pan started to fill with white froth. I’m not sure whether this was something to do with the butter, or whether it was just brain juice.

Step 10: Eat the hell out of those brains! I served mine with carrot sticks, chives and a squeeze of lemon, because I’m fancy like that.

Ok, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so how were the brains, I hear you ask. Sadly nobody accepted my invitation to eat the second brain, so I was all on my own with this. They actually didn’t smell too bad – sort of sweet and chickeny. Here is my reaction to the first mouthful:

Not a good start. The texture was mushy and it was quite sweet. What did it remind me of…?

My initial reaction was not, as you can see, one of joy. I’m not a big fan of mushy-textured meat and this was very mushy indeed, a bit like blended ham fat or something. It definitely reminded me of something specific though, which I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The carrot sticks began to be a great help to me. As long as I could balance out brain with carrot stick, I was ok.

Perhaps a squeeze of lemon will help? It didn’t.

I think this was the exact moment when I realised that what it reminded me of most, texture- and smell-wise, was cat sick. From this moment on I really struggled.

Only a little left to eat but AAAAAARGH! Only one carrot stick left! By this point I was swigging diet coke like there was no tomorrow

Chewing the last mouthful. Are we done yet?

Yay, clean plates club! I did it! The other brain sadly went in the bin – I couldn’t even get my cat interested in it.

Well, what can I say: eating a brain was quite astonishingly awful. I did it, but I will not be in a hurry to do it again. Maybe someone else out there would enjoy it. I don’t generally like offal apart from liver and I’m suspicious of meat with mushy textures so I probably wasn’t the best candidate for this experiment. It really was shit though. Oh well…

And they all lived happily ever after.